Panic Level One

I have still not recovered from last night's mini-scare.

She laughed for me yesterday. I was sitting in the parking lot of the daycare after work - in the backseat with Lily - and we were playing! She laughed! It was the best thing ever!

The SECOND I pulled out of the parking lot, she began to scream. And I mean SCREAM...not cry, not fuss, but full-on, blue in the face, scare the hell out of mama SCREEEEEAM.

And me without her pacifier.

So, I pull into the shady parking lot of a gas station. I hold and rock her...let her suck my fingers...Nope.

I was still in Edmond where I work at this point, so I drive to my office and take us (with a full bottle of milk) inside and into the empty, dark conference room where I try to feed her, rock her, dance with her.
Nope. We both just cry and cry.

Ten til 6, she seems slightly soothed so I dash out to the car, pack us in and drive home as fast as I can get us there. The screaming stops only when she has passed out.
Poor baby girl.

I get home and the screaming begins again and for an hour, Billy and I play "Pass the Crazy Baby" back and forth, looking at each other saying, WHAT THE HELL DO WE DO? with our eyes. I keep on crying.

I consult the baby book. I change her diaper. I feed her by bottle. I feed her by breast. I burp her. Daddy dances with her. He holds her and cradles her. We try her swing. We try her bouncy seat.

Believe it or not. Laying her in her crib on her back, rubbing her all over was the key. At least it was yesterday.

By 8:00 last night she finally goes to sleep and we get to eat Taco Bell.

And the reason I've not recovered is because she is ALL I can think about and this is a part of that whole failure crud I mentioned yesterday.

She could be colicky...or sick...earache?...but no fever...what if she just had a bad day at school?...what if it's something really, REALLY wrong?

Then this morning, she threw up all of her breakfast.

Great, now I can't be consoled. :)
Actually, I can:


Psalm 56:3 What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee.

Sigh.