Long weekend.

Inadvertantly, our lil fam has a three-day weekend. We found out that Billy has Monday off. YESSS. Thank God for Tinker AFB. (No, he just delivers out there.)

Thanks to those who are voting my movie quotes quiz. You score extra points if you can name all the movies too. If not, you stink.

Lily has done really well this week. She is showing signs of great independence and has been talking and laughing all week. She is growing WAY too fast for me.
I'm suddenly and sadly jealous of all stay-at-home moms.

I miss Lily every day we're apart...all day long.

We will truly make the most of our weekend. May I not take any of it for granted.

Better

Gassy as she is, we're all doing much, much better. She seemed to feel well...she ate well...and around 8:30, we both fell asleep. She woke up for a short time and daddy was able to get her back down and she didn't waken again until almost 1 a.m.!!
Sure she was starving, but it didn't take long to get her back down and we slept til seven.

So, WHEW. I've done lots of reading about baby gas and colic so at least we feel more prepared for the next time.
AND I've decided that if she's not feverish, vomiting or listless, I won't get SO upset. After all, babies DO cry, don't they.

On a totally different subject:
Can anyone tell me why I suddenly have these dry, red pimples all over my body? Yuk.

For fun: What the HELL?

Full story: Diaperless babies, crazy parents.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/20464264/from/ET/

Panic Level One

I have still not recovered from last night's mini-scare.

She laughed for me yesterday. I was sitting in the parking lot of the daycare after work - in the backseat with Lily - and we were playing! She laughed! It was the best thing ever!

The SECOND I pulled out of the parking lot, she began to scream. And I mean SCREAM...not cry, not fuss, but full-on, blue in the face, scare the hell out of mama SCREEEEEAM.

And me without her pacifier.

So, I pull into the shady parking lot of a gas station. I hold and rock her...let her suck my fingers...Nope.

I was still in Edmond where I work at this point, so I drive to my office and take us (with a full bottle of milk) inside and into the empty, dark conference room where I try to feed her, rock her, dance with her.
Nope. We both just cry and cry.

Ten til 6, she seems slightly soothed so I dash out to the car, pack us in and drive home as fast as I can get us there. The screaming stops only when she has passed out.
Poor baby girl.

I get home and the screaming begins again and for an hour, Billy and I play "Pass the Crazy Baby" back and forth, looking at each other saying, WHAT THE HELL DO WE DO? with our eyes. I keep on crying.

I consult the baby book. I change her diaper. I feed her by bottle. I feed her by breast. I burp her. Daddy dances with her. He holds her and cradles her. We try her swing. We try her bouncy seat.

Believe it or not. Laying her in her crib on her back, rubbing her all over was the key. At least it was yesterday.

By 8:00 last night she finally goes to sleep and we get to eat Taco Bell.

And the reason I've not recovered is because she is ALL I can think about and this is a part of that whole failure crud I mentioned yesterday.

She could be colicky...or sick...earache?...but no fever...what if she just had a bad day at school?...what if it's something really, REALLY wrong?

Then this morning, she threw up all of her breakfast.

Great, now I can't be consoled. :)
Actually, I can:


Psalm 56:3 What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee.

Sigh.

A big fat F.

I wish someone had said, amongst the many pieces of advice and information they offered:

"Oh and by the way...you will feel like a failure. A lot."

Great.

I love to hate you, boobs!!

Eating is the new hobby.
Sure I gross myself out, but I can't seem to stop. It's not just eating...it's eating SWEETS. I can eat a normal meal...but afterward I have an insane craving for cake, cookies, brownies, sweet cereal...whatever I can find. And it really is almost all the time.

Also, I literally don't know what to do with these new boobs of mine. I've never had a large chest and now that it's substantially larger, I don't know how to take care of it. I won't wear a nursing bra - very bulky. And I was wearing just a little tank bra for awhile, but now the girls are sinking south. But the magazines said that wouldn't happen!!
Liars.

I showcased them in a low-cut top by complete accident the other day. I just put on a v-neck I've had for awhile and it was like I had just bought a brand new shirt. Looked totally different.
Honestly? I don't care for it.

I mean, I love, love, love nursing my Lily. Nothing in the world like it.
But the engorgement, the leaking, the clothes I can no longer wear, the pumping. Annoying as heck...





but worth EVERY second.

Eleven, Twelve.

Alrighty. No one reads this. HA HA HA! I have not substantiated my exsistence in this world! No one reads my blog so I'm worthless!! HAHAHAHAHAAAA Well, either no one reads this or not one wants to participate in my 'tarded poll on PBJB&CS sammiches.

I took babygirl to a different doctor today...see, our doc does not administer the rotovirus vaccinations at their office. AND it costs $85 a pop (She needs three in six months) and isn't covered my insurance unless you go through a doctor.

SO, we took her to Dr. Campbell.

That stinker now weighs ELEVEN POUNDS, TWELVE OUNCES.
Go ahead! Call her Fatty McFatstuff! :)

She is doing so well...she is so healthy and he said she looks very good. He was happy to be the doctor to give her the vaccine and was wonderful and gentle with her. I think we may have found a new doctor. But he's kind of far from the house. I don't know which would be better...have the doc close to daycare? Or to home?

Everyone in our neighborhood had phone outtages this past weekend, so I wasn't able to get the zoo pictures up yet. They're coming, I swear.

Nothing else going on, except intense joy every day with our family. Oh and very little sleep. That's not new.

HOT HOT HOT

The temps in OKC this week have been at the 101 to 103 degrees level.

I'm incredibly amused that the newscast lady and the weather guy on the morning news have a running bet: you cannot use the word "hot" during the morning news.
IF one of them accidentally says the word "hot" they have to put a buck in the "hot" jar. This is hilarious to watch because HOW can a weather man, describing an ongoing and also dissipating heatwave, NOT say the word "HOT"?? Furthermore, he cannot use extended "hot" words, such as, "Today was the HOTTEST day of the week..." BWAHAHAHAAA Poor weather dude.

Sniffle. I have caught a summer cold.


SUCK. Upper resperatory or something. I actually feel much better today...but a couple of days I thought I might not make it! Especially with Lilygirl up all night. Good thing is that I finally got around to writing my baby thank-yous from two months ago...in the waiting room. Late is better than not at all.

Work is becoming annoying because of drama...and gossip. People are mad I took so much "time off" for my pneumonia and maternity leave. Yes, they are still mad.
Whatever!

Lily had her first vomit-o-rama on us last night. We went to daycare to get her and the first thing we hear is: "She had diarrhea." Great. We get home and it's all good and I feed her lots and she seems fine. Then whupsie...it all comes out and up and over. It was LOTS and everywhere. I don't mean to make anyone ill, but I was terrified. Utterly. I usually know what to do and really, I did know what to do, but it was insane how scared I got.

My little brother, when he was a month old, had a condition where he could not digest food. It was some muscle thing and they had to do surgery on him - a month old. That was all I could think of.

Now she didn't have a fever..she and I stayed up all night so that I could feed her tiny meals in short time spurts. She acted fine...and she seems fine today. I've called to check on her and she's eaten and played. Whew. Hope that's it for now. I will deal w/ Full Blown Virus when he arrives, but please, Lord...not now. A little older, please.

I think we might try a zoo trip tomorrow, if she's up for it. So, that will create some interesting pics, eh?

Tomorrow won't be so HOT! :)

Feeding Her.

For the first time, I went to see Lily at daycare during the day.
It was quite unsettling. No need to give details.
So I leave after feeding her a bottle and bawl in the Walmart parking lot.

The urge to yank her out of daycare, quit my job and become a F/T Mama is great, if not desperately overwhelming.

This has made me cranky.

So, less about me, more about precious lil girl.

Every day with her is perfect, awesome, wonderful. I like missing her and LOVE picking her up. I get antsy around 4...I itch to get on the road to her. We have mama/Lily conversations all the way home. Usually pretty one-sided, but I crave this time with her...as I do our bath time. Our bathtub is not only deep but it's inclined, so washing her in the tub isn't an option.
SO, we take our baths together. She loves the water. We'll sit there together and wash and splash and she usually coos and talks.

I have a slight summer cold right now which sucks...and it's so hot for Billy as he works his long hours.

Here are a couple of photos for the road:




Oh she sure loves her daddy.

Slacking is the new Working!

I feel like I work so much on the weekends, that I come to work and want to slack off. Oh yeah, I'm at WORK. TO WOOOORK.

Also, FAT is the new skinny. The carbs have found me and forced me to join their ruffian gang of starchy n'er-do-wells! AVAST!! Ok, actually I found the carbs, put them in my mouth, savored and swallered. Then repeated - a LOT.

I believe I've mentioned the Walmart cookies...their in your walmart cookie aisle and it's the walmart brand. So friggin awesome. Billy literally had to ban his wife from cookies. Then he keeps awesome sweet cereal around the house - like Golden Grahams. And THEN he wants baked goods for his breakfast...so I bake brownies for him (me) and muffins for him (me) and cake for him (me).

In other words, I have a self-discipline problem. And now, a weight problem.

I wish I had fun news about Lily but nothing really new. We already know what I am re-affirmed of daily: that she is precious and perfect in every conceivable way.

More pics are coming just because I took more but keep forgetting to bring my camera to work. Where I WORK. I'm working now, right?

Love,
KK

Surviving so far!

Day one of daycare went very well for both Mama and Lilygirl! I really like her daycare; all the workers up there really fuss over Lily and just talk to her. Even those who are not her teachers. Her head teacher is awesome, too. Very sweet. She hugs me in the morning when I drop her off and always invites me to come by and visit. (Not gonna happen...how could I leave her TWICE in one day??)

Here is her "first day of daycare" picture:



She didn't come home in that outfit though. Why not? Poop.

The evening after day one was pretty frustrating. She was exhausted but would not go down for anything. Lots of crying...some screaming. I believe she was just overwhelmed at the crazy day she had.

However, when she did finally go down? She slept for three and a half hours, ate for about 10 minutes then down for another FIVE hours!! WOO HOO!

Unfortunately, Day TWO of daycare was easier on her, but harder on us. She slept nearly all day yesterday, most of yesterday evening but then wouldn't go down at all last night. It was a long night for Mama and Lily...and then Daddy took a shift an hour before he had to get up for work. (THANK YOU)

I'm praying that today, Day three, will be good for her...lots of play time and time with the teachers.

I had the sweetest email from an aunt this morning. She told me that she had a great daycare experience with her daughters when she had to work. She comforted me with that (thank you so much) and made sure I knew that it was okay to miss her lots and that I'd be so very happy to see her when I got off work.

Funny, I haven't really had a real crying episode when I drop her off at daycare.

Now, when I leave her to go pick her up?? I don't know how else to explain it, but it's utter desperation to get there faster. I really can't get there fast enough. And when I get her in my hands, I am (so far) on the verge of tears. I guess I just can't believe how much I miss her.

Wouldn't YOU miss this??



Chances are if you're reading this? You already do.

Composed.

Ok, I've gathered my wits about me so that I can list some PROS, not cons, about today:

1. I feel like me...not just some vending machine for baby. And I look like me. No more PJ's or sweats. I'm wearing real person dressy clothes and LIPSTICK.
2. Miss Deb, Lily's teacher at daycare, RULES. Not only did she wrap her arms around Lily first thing we walked in, but she HUGGED ME as I left and promised me that it was all going to be alright.
3. My job allows me to pump my milk any time I want. PLUS no one is pressuring me to work very hard...there is SO MUCH TO DO! Yay job! (Thank You, God for my employer.)
4. My friend, Stephanie...without her here today, I'd go bonkers. She is there to listen about my fears, but is not mentioning Lily every two seconds...which is quite a feat for her!

and here are some pics just for grins:


"Aunt" Shanna made this for Lily. I cried when she gave it to us. This is a quilt made of Billy's old skate shirts. Billy wore these shirts all the time when we were dating.


Here are some B&W's that daddy took:







And she's just chillin...



Ok, I can't take any more. Back to work. NO CRYING.

P.S. There is a new "lilypie" ticker at the bottom of the page. Now you all know how old she is today!

Returned

I am back at work today for the first day since giving birth to our gorgeous daughter.

I SPECIFICALLY put non-waterproof mascara on this morning so I wouldn't cry all day. Still, I can't promise anything.

It's my deepest hope that work will be so overwhelmingly busy that I won't have time to think about how she is without me and wondering where I am.

Well, hell. THAT didn't work, did it?

Crap.

I'll write later after I clean this damned mascara off my face.