And for my NEXT trick...

This is not new news to ANYONE reading this, but even I cannot wrap my mind around this:
She is HERE.
I hold her close, I breastfeed her (and she excels in that), I sing and talk to her...rock her, swing her, change her. Sigh...I'm so so so in love with her.

I have also, if you can believe this, fallen in love with my husband again.


Or deeper. Or more. After all of this, he has scored points above and beyond.
Here's our lil story:

June 16th, our due date, came and went. Father's day was a sleep late day for us...and we loved it. Woke up around 10:30 and began discussing just exactly what breakfast should entail. We decided breakfast would consist of lunch. Billy dressed while I, all huge and pregnant, went to wee wee. So I waddle-waddled to the bathroom and wee-wee'd then I wipey-wiped and then...
saw blood. Not a LOT...just pink on the tissue...and it shared the space with a little brown. Ummmmm, ooookaaaay...

I yelled for Billy, told him what I saw then told him to go to Sonic and get me a burger. :) He said, "Well, don't you think you should call the hospital first? Or at least call Shelli and ask what she thinks?"

"Nooo, we are HUNGRY...GO! FOOD! NOW! Please?"

By this time, it was close to 11. AND there is a trickle of liquid and I've stapled a maxi pad into my sweats. (Yeah, THAT'll do it.) So, I call the nurses' station at Deaconess and the nurse just says to come on in.
"Better safe than sorry" she says. "We'll just send you home again if it's false labor again."

Now, I've read many-a book about labor and false labor, etc. This was not 'false labor' and based on what I'd read, a trickle of liquid usually means it's "Time" but also that you probably have all kinds of time before Labor really begins.

So, I get my Sonic burger and we pack up the car and head up to Deaconess.
It's almost Noon.

In the car, at Noon O Two, on 50th and close to the hospital:

I suddenly feel as though I'd been hosed down with very, very warm water and I begin to scream "OMYGODOMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOOOOOOD...." all while I'm laughing hysterically and maybe crying a little.
It was about there I knew my membranes had ruptured and HEY we're not quite as far off as we thought!

We waddled into the ER (on a Sunday, the only friggin door OPEN) and by this time my sweat pants are drenched and sticky and dear GOD it was so weird. (Yes, we had placed a towel underneath me in the car...I know, GROSS, right? The towel has disappeared since our trip.) Deaconess' ER is very understaffed, but we got a drippy pad thingy and a wheelchair and we get on upstairs.

Now from here, it gets boring. Because we check in at close to 12:15 in the afternoon and it's a lot of waiting. This blog has already gone on forever, so here's the DL...

I go into a steady labor around 1:45...When I'm dialated to a 4, I get my epidural. WHEEE. It wasn't so bad, just hard on me because I was into a hard contraction RIGHT when they were sticking me.

(me, in labor)


By the time we're all set up in the stirrups we had a plethera of people waiting for us to birth our baby for them: We had Granny, Paula, Mom, Aunt Sherry and Uncle Mark, their son, my sweet Austin...My dad and Collin. Friends Shelli, Shanna, Emily and Tyrone, Jeremy and his little girl, Ella. This little group literally partied til we were done! I am not kidding. I heard there was a sing along and PIZZA involved! LUCKIES.


Around 11 p.m. I get to push. Lots of pushing.
Here's where I praise Billy the most. It was Doc, Nurse and me and Billy. Doc in the "catching zone" and Nurse and Billy flanking me to hold my legs and cheer me on. That PRECIOUS Groom of mine was instructed to help lift my legs and push me forward to assist my pushing. Not ONLY did he hop right on board, but he whispered constant praise and encouragement in my ear. He also kept reminding me to breathe deeply, like my Yoga. He also kept thanking me for doing this for us. YOU try to resist that man. I was quite randy for him right then and there. Ha. (I was actually randy for him all day. PREGNANCY and LABOR ARE WEIRD.

So, I pushed.
Doc kept telling me "Good Job" but her face was unsettled that I could see.
She said I could get another Epidural and we could keep pushing but that I'd made NO progress in an hour and she couldn't see any progress in my future. And I was feeling the contractions again. DUDE. Doc gave me the option. Keep pushing? Or:

SEE SECSHUN!! (We later learned that Lily's cord was too short to allow a vaginal birth. She bungee'd back upstairs with every push.)

I chose the C-Section. No more pushing, no waiting. Quickly I was wheeled to the OR. Another Doc sees that my epidural has come out so it's my luck to get to have another one! They lay me down, Billy finally arrives and they cut me open.
They put lots of pressure on my ribs...we hear lots of suctioning (there was meconium in the womb) then there it was...small, squeaky and glorious.
Our daughter was crying.

Billy was called to Lily's side so that he could snap pictures of her first moments in our family. And of course THAT is exactly when my violent shakes started. I shook so hard that I could hear rattling from the metal table beneath me. The nurse invited Billy to leave and help bathe his daughter. Nothing in the world would have had me ask him to miss that. I wanted him to be there. Which left me in the O.R. alone with my shakes and oncoming panic attack.

So, eternity passed by and I was finally wheeled down the hall, towards my room and past the nursery, where all our family and friends were admiring the "handywork" of Billy and Kim Knight. I was in such pain and the shakes had become so bad that I couldn't even open my eyes. But I could (just barely) mutter the word "Mama..." as I was whisked by the group.

Only my Mama didn't hear. But everyone else did! "Sandi, your daughter is calling you!" "Mom, Kimmer just hollered for you..." "Mom! (from my best friend) Go! Kim needs you!"
Dear Lord, did I need her. She came right in, saw what was going on, and knew my coach was absent for the moment...so she talked me down and coached my Yoga breathing and held my hand. The shakes subsided. Then were gone.
This was intensely beautiful to me. It was almost like a re-bonding between us. My mama was there for me again, as always as I had just given birth to my own daughter. Looking back on it, I can almost say it was my favorite part of this entire ordeal.

Until, that is, I was introduced to oxicodene! WOOOOHOOOO!


I seriously bless the pain meds. I am one of those who do not function while in pain. Aaaaahhhh.

ACT II:

My sweet mama knew that at that point, we were done. She kindly went out to all the waiting loved ones and told them about my shakes and ordeal and told everyone to go home. (You don't gots to go home but you cain't stay here!)

Though the next couple of days would be pandamonium with all the visitors, I was still grateful to each person. When asked to leave, they just left, no problems. (I was SO surprised.) This gave us a moment. I wanted to finally meet my daughter. I wanted to hold and be held by my husband. I wanted to see if my dreams - my deepest desires were in fact, coming to life.

Well, here: Do I LOOK happy?


She was/is the most gorgeous baby I'd seen.

If I had been given an order form...and the Lord my God had said, "Ok, Kim...what, exactly do you want in a husband? OH and the second form is for what you want in a child..."

and I could have custom ordered my new family, there is no way I would have received all I needed.

God is so precise in meeting our needs. He knew I needed a strong man, a funny, sensitive, fearless man. Yet a man who was a total dork and willing to play games.

I dreamed of a perfect family...a perfect life. And I am still constantly shocked at the things I never even asked for and yet I have them.

Now, I hope you don't think I'm being snotty or bragging (Laaah Dee Dah I have it all and YOU do NOT...nyah, nyah...") because I am daily overwhelmed at the blessings. I also pray that God gives me a serving heart and that I can give joy ten-fold the way He has given to us.

Anyway, back to the story. I swear it's almost over.

I have my beloved family. We have our Lily Blue.



We went into the hospital on Father's day; came home on 6/21/07. Breastfeeding going awesome...No sleep. By the way, it's 6/25/07, 7:14 a.m. and I've not been to bed. Typical, right?

Here are some random pics of some not so random folks. The last one I'm posting for a certain aunt who will enjoy it.

That's all from here. I'm going to bed (couch) and praying for three straight hours. PLEEEEEEASE.

Love,
Kimmer, Billy & Lily.

False.

Slept like the dead last night, rear-to-rear with my precious husband. Our Sebastian was nestled between us, so relieved that we were home and together and all in the bed. We had scared him, for certain. Late-night, spontaneous grab and dash freaked out the poor lil poodle.

See, we had a 'false alarm' last night which resulted in about two hours in the hospital. My "plug" became dislodged and then several times last night I had leaking fluid. Well, I read THREE different things that indicated that was my "water" and that it had "broken."

Nope.

While the staff at Deaconess was pleasant and the experience was not horrible, I cried and cried because I really did think that was it. I really, really did. All the way to the hospital (which could not been a drive of more than three minutes) the anxiety hit and I started shaking and could not slow my breathing. So, to find out that we will, indeed, have to make that drive AGAIN? And the disappointment was rather overwhelming. Last night I took a long look at Lily's bassinet before we walked out the door and couldn't help but be thrilled that she would be occupying it very soon.

Regardless of the evening's events, as I said before, Billy and I both slept hard. It was like the Lord is giving us a very big break and telling us, "Rest up, kids...she's coming and you NEED the rest."

There is nothing wrong with having a "dry run" to the hospital...and as bad as I felt about bothering the nurses and keeping us out late, I do feel slightly more prepared...and a little, tiny bit relieved. I have another day...or hour...or five minutes to hold her inside of me and share our secret little experience together before I have to share her with the world. Because sadly, my daughter and I will never, ever be this close again...and I will miss her dearly when she departs from me.

We have one day until our due date.
And despite the waiting, the aching and the discomfort...
I feel really good today. And am thankful to have it.

Love,
Kimmer

Short.

Doc appt yesterday...nothing's changed. We did get to see her on ultrasound...lots of amniotic fluid, so she's not in any danger at the moment.

Everything is tight, sore, bloated, cranky. Today it is raining a LOT so no pool today. Crapola.

I have a weird kink in my back this morning...probably because I didn't sleep well and was up a lot.

Hormones or something going crazy because I am not just cranky but rather vicious. My sweet, sweet husband misplaced my keys last night and I didn't realize til I was already LATE. Gyarr.

I hate these jeans.

People keep asking me how I'm feeling. I guess my face just doesn't show it, which is good. I just keep saying, "Fine, fine..." and waddle away, grunting.

I usually love the rain...usually love the busyness.
Usually. Nothing usual about today, is there?

Ok, back to my playing games online and to my Diet Dr. Pepper.

Flamin Hot Cheetos

Everyone has a story, some advice or just plain old information about pregnancy. (I've also heard this true regarding child raising.)

However, this is the part that NO ONE has talked about. The End.
So, right now no one can tell me if I am normal or literally going crazy. When we found out we were pregnant, it was because I'd gone to the doctor to have her up my depression meds. Turns out, my feelings of constant insanity were because OOPS WE'RE PREGGO!

So, now that I am still preggo, am I feeling insane b/c it's almost over? Or am I REALLY insane and it's just now peeking out b/c it's almost over? Quandry!
I know I'm pregnant and uncomfortable and cranky. But I'm SERIOUSLY looking for a fight. I fought with my credit union yesterday. Jerks. I might have had a teeny bit of road rage yesterday. Yeah, yeah...I KNOW. Then today, I realized that my birth and delivery might stir up some drama. So, I'm already ready for THAT fight.

This is SO STUPID! Why am I wearing myself out with this?? STOOPID! I am probably delaying my own labor and delivery because of my stress.

I know the world isn't fair. The world is weird and fulla jerks.
And I pray for Grace and you know what? Some days, like today (and yesterday...and maybe all last week), I do not have the heart or sensitivity to love the unlovable, pray for the lost, or smile at that guy that just cut me off in traffic when he SAW THAT I WAS TRYING TO GET OVER BECAUSE OF A WRECK AND HE STILL CUT ME OFF..JACKASS...

I guess I'm just human, huh?

Well, my Flamin Hot Cheetos are gone and my index fingers and thumbs are bright red and that will NEVER come off. :)

Ok, back to just being bloated. Nope, Cheetos won't help that at all.

Kimmer

Single Digits.

Eight days til the actual "due date" which is funny because who was it that one day said, "Ok, it takes THIS many days for this baby to be cooked"??

She'll get here when she's ready...maybe.

Our doctor appointment yesterday was a great disappointment. We weren't in the room 5 min, one hand up the ol' Whoo Haah and she said, "Yep...there's the head." Yeah, we already knew that.

I said, "And that's it?"
"Yep," she said. "Same as last week." DANG.

I know that God's timing is perfect...always. I should be thankful to have more days to prepare and exersize and rest. I should be. But last night I was not so thankful. More bitter. Huh.

Now I'm not just uncomfy, but very cranky too. AND if some other jackass comes into my office and says, "WHOOOA, you ain't popped yet?" I will take them out.

I do hope to have better or at least more cheerful news tomorrow.

OH WAIT...the nurse said I've lost two pounds this week? HA. I have NO idea what that means.

Ok, that's all for now.

Love YA'LL! (this was for ONE person only!)
Kimmer

Weird Day!!

After days and days of hurting and being uncomfy and just plain BLAH:

I FEEL AWESOME TODAY! WOO HOO! THANK YOU JESUS!

I slept great! I have all this insane energy! I literally want to go dancing.
I'm in the best mood and my body feels almost normal, except for the bloated feet. Heh.
I'm also very, very hungry today (two Jimmy Dean frozen omlets) and quite graphically, my digestive system is working overtime: three days and about 30 BM's. NORMAL BM's. Gross, but weird.

But it's a weird, weird, but awesome day. I'm very thankful but also very curious.
What the hell is going on? Ha!

Could this MEAN something? Eh...probably not! hee hee

Two insults and some braxton hicks later....

I almost did it. I almost made it the ENTIRE pregnancy without a complete and total stranger either insulting me OR touching me unsolicited. ALMOST.

First, Office Depot. Young sales guy. Comes up and says, "WHOA...you havin' TWINS???" Time to teach. Me: "No...and you're RUDE." Him: (completely SHOCKED) "I WAS? Really? I was just trying to be funny..." The look on his face was SO sincere and shockingly sorrowful, I was really nice and explained that NEVER does a woman want to be construed as BIG when she is already thus. He apologized several more times. Taught.

Then, Walmart. (I know, my fault for going there in the first place.) I was looking for Louisiana Hot Sauce. There is not a sign in grocery for such an item or any other hot sauce. SUDDENLY, there is a woman in front of me:
"It's a BOY, isn't it? I know it's a boy!!"
Me: "Ummm...no..."
Her: "Oh, well I carried THREE boys just like you're carrying now..." THEN SHE REACHES RIGHT OUT AND GRABS THE BABY BELLY. Nice. Yes, I backed up.
She went ON and on about her own pregnancies and folks, I had not previously, or ever talked to her, seen or or smiled at her. Just a random mugging, I guess! If this had not been my last stop and me SO bloated and exhausted I would have been more gracious. Not so, however. Too bad. My lack of enthusiasam and responses got across fast. Sigh!

Starting Sunday night, been "fist tummy" off and on. I assume these are Braxton Hicks Contractions...they don't HURT hurt, but everything is so tight that it's incredibly uncomfy. Especially when you're trying to get stuff done. Or just walk. Heh.

Other joys for now is that my hands and feet will randomly go numb. Wheeee!

AND the last baby shower took place last Sunday and the pictures literally make me look quite Jabba-ish. Which is fine...it goes with the territory...but DUDE...seriously.

Lily refuses to kick...all rolls and pokes now. I love it. I love sitting with my hand on my stomack and suddenly it gets pushed outward about two inches. I push her right back! Well, she has to learn!

Besides all that, it's all quite miserable and annoying and my temper and moods are short and cranky. Daddy Billy takes it all happily and in stride and you can SO tell he's ready for me to be done with it all.

ME TOO! Anyone want to make some bets as to whether or not I make it the next ELEVEN DAYS? Ha.

Love,
Kimmer

Check it...

No seriously...check it out...scroll to the bottom of the blog page and see the lil pink elephant (her name is Freida)...you see that? FIFTEEN DAYS. That's barely TWO WEEKS.

Had another weekly doc appt yesterday...everything still right on track...she continues to travel southward and my C. keeps on thinning...about 75% now. However, discomfort is becoming a real issue. Barely slept last night because my entire belly was rock hard and that area right under by boobage is on fire. Having a LOT of trouble walking today. Head in pelvis. (NOT meant as dirty as it sounds)

Great, GREAT news: Lily Blue is head down! Not unusual, no...but I was born breech - booty first! So, I was slightly concerned about that. Yay!

I guess right now is all a waiting game, huh? We're still preparing...more for the actual BIRTH itself, rather than the after when we actually get HOME with this new creature, look at each other and say, aloud: "What the HELL do we do now?"
We've loaded and charged both of our MP3 players and our portable DVD player. Packed my bag, arranged dog-sitting, made lists of things to buy this weekend like snacks and frozen food. And underwear...heh.

I'm very thankful that the hospital is literally 3 minutes from my house...that way if we DO forget something, someone can make a run. So, technically, it's not a big deal making all these plans.

Swimming is my obsession right now. It's rained almost every day since the pools opened, so I'm freaking out. I DID get to go yesterday before the dr. appt and it felt SOO good - except that someone thinks it's funny to add 100 pounds of ICE to the water, I guess. Coldest water ever. I went alone, which is good. Billy couldn't handle it, I promise.
Either way, we like to swim, Lily and I. I get excercise and SHE gets off my bladder for an hour. Aaaaaah. It's about to storm now, but maybe this afternoon? Hmmmmm.

Everyone keeps saying, "NO WAY you'll last til your due date..." and I'm starting to believe them. That's bad. It's making me a little impatient. Making US impatient. Billy calls me every day and asks me if I've had the baby yet. Yeah, I did...forgot to call and tell you, retard.

I love him. He is amazing. He rolls with EVERY single cranky thing I come up with. He's working on his new hobby, screenprinting...his first project will be printing a kickass sleeper for his daughter. This is HIS obsession. That and trying to SCARE the baby out of me. I'm not kidding.

But, as painful and cranky and overtly BLOATED I am, this is such a blessed, happy time. I cannot believe how absolutely grace-filled our lives are and I am so thankful.

Anyhoo, hopefully there will be no more posts b/c I will give birth in the next ten minutes. Let us pray. :)

Love,
Kimmer